3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
