the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
