I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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