Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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