I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
