i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want a musical about memes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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