what day is it and did you see me today?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I die, sorry about rent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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