My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
