i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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