Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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