I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
