Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wear drunk well.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
