sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
