Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
