whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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