He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
