p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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