Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
