Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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