I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
