Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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