Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
