OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
