Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You left your phone here
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