I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
