Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
