I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
