I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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