my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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