I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize