He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
