So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
