I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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