Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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