I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
