I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize