New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
