He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
