some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize