I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
