he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
