He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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