your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize