Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
