so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize