K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
