we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
