How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
