Me too!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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