respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
