Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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