Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize