the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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