True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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