so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
