I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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