he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
