Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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