I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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