My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
