If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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