this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
