i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
