someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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