Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
