Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize