you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize