I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
