Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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